And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
