there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
now i know why i became what i already was.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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