then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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