There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
