Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
