I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
worst night to have a conscience
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
