Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
