who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
