You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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