I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
