I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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