At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
