I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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