Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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