he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
