how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
