You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
