oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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