That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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