3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
