Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
