HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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