That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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