remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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