your room smells of hookers.
And success
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
