are you still at the devil's house?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They have beer where we have blood.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
