i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
