Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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