Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's the barista slut.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
