She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Randomize
