i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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