dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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