Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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