I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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