Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
