I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
too bad you live with your parents still
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
