It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
