Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
