I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
