5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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