I CAN MOONWALK!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
