Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I am morally bankrupt
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
