i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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