It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
