it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
