He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
