you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
