theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
