walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
COCAINE IS GR8
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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