Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
