I'm laying in your front yard are you home
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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